Film Review - STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS: Star Dreck...

Man am I glad I didn't do a "7 Days Of The Bat"-style countdown to Star Wars: The Clone Wars. How demoralizing and pitiful would that have wound up being? I can picture it now: Basking in the glory of the original trilogy, entertained and casually supportive of the prequel trilogy and then... collapsed in a heap of self-pity and overindulgent misery after The Clone Wars, wrapped in a blanket, shaking, single tear drops rolling down my quivering cheeks onto the glossy surface of my autographed Boba Fett photo... Whew, good thing I avoided that heartache! Oh wait, I didn't, I saw The Clone Wars!

Now, I'm a big time Star Wars fan. Used to be a serious die-hard. I consider the original trilogy to be the catalyst for my lifetime of borderline troubling film fanaticism (including this blog!). I even went to Episodes II & III in full Darth Vader regalia. Some would call that sad. I call it the greatest of glories. But then, I'm often an idiot.

Regardless, despite early warning signs, I optimistically took my seat, row 6 centre, ready to be sped off to a galaxy far, far away. The lights darkened. The trailers (Including Harry Potter VI and Bolt) ran their course. And the Warner Bros. logo came up on the screen. What the? That just ain't right! A lifetime of seeing the 20th Century Fox logo has created a Pavlovian response in me in that that particular corporate fanfare immediately draws shivers of geeked-out giddiness. The Warner Bros. logo just made me pause... But then the Lucasfilm logo... Omigod, here it was! BAM! STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS... with the Star Wars theme played by the most inept, half-assed junior-high band in history. No really, it's groin-kickingly lousy. Obviously John Williams wasn't involved, but couldn't they just use the recordings from the Star Wars library? Apparently not. So, yeah, that hurt. But then we were all collectively denied an opening crawl. Instead, we were "treated" to a breathless Starship Troopers-like narration that brought us up to speed with the galactic events. Which I'll do now.

Taking place after the events of Episode II, the galaxy has become embroiled in a world-shattering conflict between the Galactic Republic's clone troopers and the Trade Federation's droid army. Crime has become widespread as the Jedi forces focus on the battles at hand, and the Hutt clans' crime organization is thriving. In the middle of all this (bland) chaos, Jabba's infant son has been kidnapped by space pirates. Seeing this as an opportunity in gaining access to the Hutt's trade routes, Senator Palpatine (Ian Abercrombie) has ordered the Jedi’s to rescue the squealing slime-bucket in order to win favour with the crime lord. Unfortunately for would-be heroes Anakin (Matt Lander) and early teen padawan Ahsoka Tano (Ashley Eckstein), the whole ordeal is a sinister set-up orchestrated by the nefarious Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) and evil Jedi-killer Asajj Ventress (Nika Futterman) to frame the do-gooders and cast them in a negative light for his royal Bloatedness. Thus, it's up to our resourceful heroes, aided by Obi-Wan Kenobi (James Arnold Taylor) and Yoda (Tom Kane), to foil the Sithian (Is that a word?) plot and restore peace to the, uh... Well, okay that's going a bit far, but they do have to reunite the slug gangster with his precious "Punky Muffin" and get access to those ever-lovin' trade routes.

As a central story, what The Clone Wars offers up isn't unreasonably bad. Sure, a bit dull and dry (Trade routes, separatists... What's up with these Prequel-based films centered on issues ripped from a C-SPAN news crawl?), but with enough zip and a liberal application of Force-like creative invention, a tale ripe with fun possibilities. Too bad ol' George Lucas and director Dave Filoni have gone out of their way to deliver a condescending load of kiddie-pandering tripe. If I follow this pathway it's just going to lead to relentless bile-spewing so let's just do a countdown of the ten worst offences in The Clone Wars:

10) The music is, as previously hinted at, hopeless. However, at least the opening number is a woeful attempt at capturing the magic of the previous films. Past that introduction though, the film is filled with generic (yet trendy) hard-rock guitar chugging nonsense with hints of Middle Eastern melody. It's forgettable at best and infuriating at its worst.

9) The animation, while not horribly offensive, lacks the dynamics to bring these characters to life. I often felt like I was watching a bad episode of the Thunderbirds TV show. No one should have to suffer through that.

8) Rotta "Punky Muffin" the Hutt. Lord knows, everyone loves a wailing infant who makes coo-eyes at the camera every flippin' second. Old Stinky, as he is frequently called, is the worst kind of offender. A creation who exists only to be "adorable" and sell stuffed toys. I hope Hutt's eat their young and I can be treated to a future viewing of Jabba remorselessly sucking Stinky down his diseased gullet.

7) The action scenes are never-ending. They basically consist of 20 minute barrages of watching swarms of laser fire, wise-cracking droids, explosions and anonymous partakers erupt in flames. I felt like I was watching someone play a really stupid video-game (Though that would be pretty much all of them.).

6) There is no suspense. We know who will live and thus there is no tension is any moments of peril. Will Count Dooku meet a grisly end? Can Anakin survive this unprecedented threat? *Yawns*.

5) Ziro the Hutt (Pictured below-left). A purple, feather-wearing, tattooed and pieced, flamboyant blob with a gay southern gentleman's drawl introduced with sleazy lounge music. It's like Monsieur Lucas read up on all the Jar Jar/Ewok hate and declared "Wait'll they see what I can come up with next!” Every single Ziro scene was met with squeals of disbelieving laughter at my screening. This flaming queen sets homosexual stereotypes back ten years to the days of John Leguizamo playing Chi Chi Rodriguez.

4) A disjointed and often bizarre plot. New plotlines are abandoned and begun at almost random points. And by the 30-minute mark I was so worn down by computer-animated carnage that I didn't really care. I did, however, love Padme's arbitrary introduction and story twist around the 70-minute mark. I'd forgotten she even existed. I was slightly troubled by the amount of effort the animators seemed to put into making her booty slammin' on an intergalactic scale. Notice that they never miss a chance to flaunt it either... I can only imagine what was going on in the feverish minds of some of the more... enthusiastic fans.

3) There are few things worse that annoying characters referring to each other with "clever" nicknames. Having Ahsoka refer to Anakin as Sky-guy, while conversely being addressed as Snips was nothing short of eye-rolling.

2) The dialogue. Anyone who complained about the often stolid dialogue in the prequel trilogy should sit through this clinker, where characters only talk in exposition and bland declarations. "Look out for that missile!", "You woke up the baby!", "Get out of my way!", "We have to save them!", etc. Do people actually get paid for writing this sort of standard drivel? Yup, and well too.

1) Ahsoka Tano (Pictured left-above with Anakin). My lord. Whose bright idea was it to create this abomination of misguided youthful "hipness"? The sass-talk and Valley girl voice apparently weren't distracting enough, so the creative team decided to jailbait-her-up by dressing her in a micro-skirt and tube top, with frequent nipple issues that would make Joel Schumacher weep with pervy gratitude. So, instead of being a positive female role-model she's a skanky-looking, irritating wrecking ball of a character who pummels almost every single scene into the ground like a Bantha stampede. That she is arguably the lead character is a sign of how awful this debacle is. Hopefully, she too winds up in Jabba's fodder trough at some point in the near future.

For all the reasons above, plus an ending that is anything but satisfying, it pains me to say that The Clone Wars is a disaster (Minus a somewhat well-staged vertical battle scene, a few cool slow-mo space ship scenes and some nifty Jawa moments). Last year I kicked around Transformers, calling it cynical drivel that exemplified the worst that big studio movie making can vomit up. Well, that's The Clone Wars in a nutshell. It's obvious that no one truly loved making this junk, and so we can be forgiven for hating it in return. The fact that it's a precursor to an impending TV series does little to ease the pain. At this point, I can see very few people tuning in. Myself included.

Remember a few years back when we would fantasize what the Clone Wars were all about? Now that I know, I long for that blissful ignorance. Thanks George, you've had a hell of a summer.

1 out of 5

Film Review - THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR: Mummy Weariest...

Puking yaks and John Hannah... Holy Imhotep, it can only mean one thing: That The Mummy franchise has once again skulked into theatres, dragging a kicking and screaming Brendan Fraser along with it. Now, most of us assumed that Fraser and co. had ridden off into the sunset at the end of the gleefully moronic The Mummy Returns, a film that defied logical criticisms. Jeez, it starred The Rock’s head grafted onto a lobster tail for the love of Karloff! But, when summertime money (and pre-writer’s strike frenzy) calls, Universal will deliver. And deliver they have, a stupendous wonder of creative brain damage epically titled The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor.

I just want to go on the record as saying that the following paragraph or two will likely be the most idiotic string of sentences I ever type. *Ahem*... The plot of the third Mummy film begins with an epilogue of subtly racist silliness detailing the rule of the megalomaniacal Emperor Han (Jet Li for about 10 mins, 1’s & 0’s for the rest), who sought to destroy... freedom. Anyways, having mastered the elements, he longed for immortality so he could, um, continue his anti-freedom campaign. After seeking the aid of the local witch Zi Juan (Michelle Yeoh), Emperor Han fell in love with the sexy spell-caster, but was heart-broken upon the discovery that she was carrying on a love affair with his right-hand man Ming Guo (Russell Wong). Taking the “Bro’s Before Ho’s” rule very seriously, Emperor Han had Ming murdered. However before he could off Zi Juan, she cast a spell that turned him and his entire army into Nestle Chocolate... Er... stone.

Flash forward a whole bunch of years, and we find our heroes from the first two Mummy instalments, Rick and Evelyn O’Connell (Brendan Fraser & Maria Bello) bored out of their minds in retirement. While Evelyn pens successful romance novels based on their previous adventures, Rick impales himself in the neck with fly-fishing lures (Funnier imagined than actually seen, trust me). When their rebellious son Alex (Luke Ford), who has skipped out of college and become an intrepid archaeologist, discovers the tomb of Emperor Han, Rick and Evelyn are, through means too convoluted to explain, reunited with their son and involved in Han’s resurrection into a walking, fire-tossing, face-chucking menace. Aided by Evelyn’s frenetic brother Jonathan (John Hannah) and a “mysterious” Asian ninja-girl (Isabella Leong), the O’Connell’s endeavour to stop Emperor Han from raising his undead army and becoming an unstoppable force capable of wiping the land of, you guessed it, freedom! ...I swear those story meetings must have been an alcohol-fuelled gas!

Look, I don’t expect brilliance from this series. I don’t even expect coherence! But where The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor goes wrong is that it fails to improve upon a single aspect of the prior two films. Hell, they couldn’t even be bothered getting a mummy this time around. Emperor Han is cursed, yes, but not actually mummified by any stretch of the imagination.


Now, I’d forgive this slight if there was anything worthwhile up on the screen, but director Rob Cohen (XXX, Stealth, Fast & The Furious) is so bankrupt for ideas that his flop-sweat stains the screen. He has millions of dollars at his disposal, a willing cast and the limits of his imagination, and what does he accomplish? A battle between Han’s army and the undead Great Wall builders that rips off the climactic war at the close of The Mummy Returns, the Emperor turning into King Ghidorah from the Godzilla pictures, a brief and underwhelming glance at Shangri-La that looks like a Windows ’95 screensaver and an ineptly staged martial arts dust-up between Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh that looks like it was shot on Ritalin. And while his battle scenes are epic in scope, they are also clumsily filmed and hard to follow. It’s as if Cohen mounted his camera to the top of a pogo-stick and bounced around the set, drunk on hyperactive merriment (and God knows what else). In fact, that single mental image is more entertaining that anything the film has to offer.

...Though it does have yetis! Yetis who are introduced almost arbitrarily into a major action scene with little explanation. Looking like giant CG house-cats, they leap and tumble all over the snowy Himalayan set and, in their proudest moment, after having kicked a baddie through goalpost-shaped architecture, excitedly make the “It’s Good!” football arm gesture. A bunch of hams, they are. Yet(i), why couldn’t they have been used for something interesting? Being nothing but a Plot Device, they help our heroes, then retreat. What a waste...

Despite all the lunacy, I have to give a lot of credit to Brendan Fraser. Homeboy knows how to hit his marks and appear to be involved with the nonsense around him. Whether taking pratfalls off tree-branches or shooting a fireworks-bazooka at Emperor Han, the guy is flawless. Even his lines, which range from hokey to head-slapping, are handled with aplomb and gusto. He’s the strength behind the series, and a major reason for my continued attendance (other than masochism).

Rachel Weisz, the lovely female lead of the first two is gone, and Maria Bello is a poor replacement. Despite good physicality in the action scenes, she’s too tough looking and stumbles over a British accent that veers into New Zealander and Australian territory. She says things like “This is going to be Haaaaaaaaaaaahd!”. Her rigidity and continuous stream of vocal perversions definitely hurt the sexiness of her character. Mummies are the only thing gettin’ raised in her presence, if ya catch my drift. I can’t believe I just wrote that... Look at what you made me do, Miss Bello.

Michelle Yeoh is acceptable, and manages to say unspeakable lines like “The Yetis will help us!” and make them sound convincing. The same more or less goes for Isabella Leong, Alex O’Connell’s love interest with a secret. She’s pleasant and tries her best with haphazard material. On the opposite corner, Luke Ford is the president of Blandsville. The 27-year-old Australian actor looks more like Fraser’s brother than son, and uses a weird Matt Damon impression in an attempt to be ruggedly endearing. Instead, he’s a like a 1940’s frat-boy, without charisma or personality. While Fraser can spin gold with C-level material, Ford is like a baboon rubbing sticks together. John Hannah’s role can be summed up in two words: Yak Vomit. The actor, cast as comic relief, has nothing funny to say and instead minces around frantically ("Spank my bum!") when not having heart-to-hearts with a yak named Gertrude. I’d critique Jet Li’s performance if he gave one, but he’s simply a marketing gimmick like the Rock was. His few on-screen moments are flat and lack any sense of menace or danger.

I’m well-aware that no one is going to go to see The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor for anything other than mindless entertainment (I hope). However, this has been a summer filled with great entertainments and creatively fulfilling blockbusters. If you must see a brain-dead action-extravaganza, go see Wanted! And if you’re too young for that one, read a book or rent Clash Of The Titans or Army Of Darkness. They’re infinitely funnier, goofily exciting and more imaginative than anything here. Despite a really lame sequel-set-up (“Mummies were soon found in Peru!”), I think it’s time to wrap this series up. And bury it. Where not even Brendan Fraser can find it...

1.5 out of 5

Film Review - THE DARK KNIGHT: A "Knight" To Remember.

We all knew The Dark Knight was on its way. The viral marketing and media-fuelled hype guaranteed that even the peaceful fish-mongers of Bora-Bora were smearing lipstick across their lips and asking each other “Why so serious?”. We’ve followed each new superhero entry this summer, surprised each time at what well made entertainments they’ve been (Except Hancock). But there was no way that The Dark Knight would be able to withstand the hype-driven frenzy and deliver on the scale that Hellboy II and Iron Man did, was there?

Well, imagine my thankful surprise when The Dark Knight, helmed by returning director Christopher Nolan, blew past my sky-rocketed expectations akin to the Batmobile charging through the Axis Chemicals factory. I apologize for the esoteric reference, but this is a film that had every neuron of my movie-nerd/Batman-fanatic brain exploding like Canada Day fireworks.

The Dark Knight is a gritty, epic-sized crime story that dispenses with almost all of the established strengths of Batman Begins, leaving only the central cast and a few remaining story bits. Now we are reintroduced to a much brighter and realistic Gotham City, which looks suspiciously like Chicago. Crime has been on the low since Bruce Wayne, posing as the shadowy Batman, (Christian Bale) took on the job of city watchdog, and the recent arrival of hot-shot District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) holds great promise for a prosperous future.

However, a new threat has emerged in the form of a shuffling, tongue-wagging psychopathic clown, with a telephone-pervert voice, known only as the Joker (Heath Ledger). Aligning himself with the desperate remainder of Gotham’s mob leaders, Joker, who lacks any desire for superficial profiteering, is determined to reduce Gotham City to a state of pure chaos and anarchy. Why? Because it’s just SO much fun, silly! To combat the problem, Batman, the diligent Lieutenant Gordon (Gary Oldman) and golden-boy D.A. Dent create a union to work towards capturing the Joker and restoring order to their increasingly frenzied city. They are aided, in varying degrees (and often unknowingly), by Bruce’s former love interest (And Harvey’s current squeeze) Assistant A.D. Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal – taking over for Begins’ Katie Holmes), Bruce’s loyal butler Alfred (Michael Caine) and Wayne Corp. president Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman).

Co-writer/director Christopher Nolan uses these events, and expertly illustrated characters, as a means to explore serious moral and ethical ideas regarding justice and power. Batman may have noble intentions, but he is also a magnet for deranged lunatics who will only further hurt the people that he has sworn to protect. As well, the relationship between him, Gordon and Dent has shades of The Treasure of The Sierra Madre in how a pact between assenting minds can lead to tragedy and unfortunate ethical compromises. There is a lot of action, including a spectacularly explosive French Connection-inspired chase (with the best physical and CG effects I’ve seen in eons), in The Dark Knight, but there are also negative repercussions associated with it, and Nolan doesn’t shrink away from putting his characters through emotional and physical pain. There are few great triumphs here, in fact the end results fall more into semi-failure territory. Yet, Nolan underscores the importance in the moral victory underneath the apparent misfortune. The ending, a bleak development, is more satisfying that most action films, as we feel like we’ve taken a journey through the character’s psyches and fully comprehend the themes and ethical resolutions that Nolan is imparting. Harvey Dent's line "The night is always darkest before the dawn" might as well be Nolan's mission statement, as everyone is going to suffer beyond their wildest dreams on the path to redemption and growth.

And yet, despite all the moody heaviness, The Dark Knight is the most exhilarating movie-going experience of the summer. Credit has to go to Heath Ledger, who has created the definitive portrait of the Joker. Unlike Jack Nicholson, who provided an amped-up exaggeration of his own bad-boy persona, Ledger simply disappears underneath the matted on grease-paint. His Joker is terrifying and blackly funny (His “Magic Disappearing Pencil Trick” is a moment of shocking virtuoso genius), a “dog chasing cars” who casts a spell on the audience every time he prowls into frame. His final scene, which effortlessly captures the truth behind his and Batman’s relationship is an exhausting, yet inspired success. I don’t feel I’m going too far into hyperbole-land in stating that he is a classic villain for the ages, alongside Darth Vader, The Wicked Witch of the West, Norman Bates and Hannibal Lecter. You just wait and see.

Christian Bale continues to erase painful memories of George Clooney and Val Kilmer. He makes us experience the internal turmoil of Bruce/Batman, and feel his frustrations – Especially in the film’s best scene, a captivating interrogation room scuffle between him and Joker. Special attention must also go to Aaron Eckhart, who makes Harvey Dent’s fall from grace positively heart-breaking. It was a masterstroke to build the central narrative around Harvey Dent, as the added exposure builds up our trust and faith in the character, making his physical and emotional damage Shakespearean in scope and effect. Eckhart, as Two-Face, doesn’t give as showy a performance as Ledger, but it is still an equally riveting creation.

Gary Oldman, the most unfairly ignored of the central cast, gives an equally powerful understated performance. His Jim Gordon is sturdy and overburdened, and we can feel the weight dragging him down. He is the true source of strength in the picture, and the most relatable to the audience. Also, Maggie Gyllenhaal adds an affecting gravitas to her Rachel Dawes. We can understand why both Bale and Dent are attracted to her brainy resourcefulness, and why her fateful developments are so powerful. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman have the thankless jobs of exposition readers, but handle the chore with aplomb. Caine has some inspired moments involving a sensitive letter, as well as a terrific monologue regarding an unconventional bandit.

Attempting to explain the magnificence of The Dark Knight in such an economical number of words is nearly impossible. It’s among the finest works of recent mainstream cinematic art I’ve witnessed, and easily the most intellectually fascinating entry in the ever-broadening genre of superhero films. I’m actually nervous about how Nolan will (If he comes back) be able to even come close to matching the quality and inventiveness seen in The Dark Knight. I’ve seen it twice now, and each time I’ve emerged from the theatre tingling with excitement, in a state of wondrous awe. ...And with a big smile plastered across my Joker-loving face.

5 out of 5

P.S.: I love how Nolan keeps resurrecting washed-up former tough-guys for these films. First it was Rutger Hauer in Begins, now Eric Roberts! I think it's time to bring my homeboy Steven Seagal in for part 3!

Film Review - BRIDESHEAD REVISITED: This "Bride" Is Worth Committing To!

Hello. My name is Cam and I have not read Brideshead Revisited, the acclaimed novel by British writer Evelyn Waugh. Hadn’t even heard of it, to be honest. I’ve also never waded through the cherished 11-hour Jeremy Irons-led miniseries of the same name. Now, you probably haven’t either, but I just want to cover all the bases before I begin my review of the first theatrical adaptation of Brideshead Revisited, directed by Kinky Boots/Becoming Jane auteur Julian Jarrold. So, keep in mind that any heretical comments I make from this point forward come from a place of classic Brideshead-ian ignorance. Thank you for your patronage.

Brideshead Revisited luxuriously recounts the story of young, lower-class Charles Ryder (Matthew Goode), a talented painter and proud atheist, attending prestigious Oxford University a tad prior to WWII. Frequently ridiculed for his modest beginnings, he nonetheless makes friends with the free-spirited Sebastian Flyte (Ben Whishaw), a flamboyant homosexual with a troubling fondness for the sauce. Their chaste flirtations lead to Charles being brought to the Flyte’s majestic estate, known as Brideshead. A chance meeting with Sebastian’s rebellious sister Julia, played by the stunningly gorgeous Hayley Atwell, leads to Charles becoming a de-facto member of the family. The brood is presided over by the sibling’s fiercely aristocratic and devout Roman Catholic mother, Lady Marchmain (Emma Thompson), who is intolerant of Julia’s unruly behaviour, and Sebastian’s “deviant” lifestyle. During a summer in Venice, which finds our three youthful protagonists living in the relaxed home of the sibling’s divorced father Lord Marchmain, played with weary cheer by Michael Gambon, love begins to blossom between Charles and Julia, much to Sebastian’s chagrin. This affair, and the increasing flaws in Sebastian’s character, serves as the main focus of the story, which traces the trio’s relationship over the duration of about ten years, through sorrow, passion and undying bonds.

It must be said, above all, that Brideshead Revisited is a gorgeous film to take in. Director Jarrold, trodding familiar ground, has found new ways to capture the peaceful beauty of the English countryside, the ancient splendour of Oxford’s stony structures and the enchanting majesty of Venice. His eye for beauty, and in finding the extraordinary within the ordinary, agreeably elevates the occasionally routine material.

Matthew Goode, a relative newcomer who previously appeared as a thug in The Lookout and Mandy Moore's boy-toy in Chasing Liberty, is a good anchor for the film. We can understand his fascination in the face of such overwhelming opulence, as well as his frustrations in watching his friends fall victim to the older British traditions which favoured classism and rigid religious laws over happiness and freedom. Goode never pushes too hard, instead letting his co-stars deliver the more dynamic work.

The supporting players are a casting agent’s dream. Ben Whishaw captures Sebastian’s pain and isolation perfectly, while not shying away from depicting the character’s many unlikable qualities. His big scene, in a hospital courtyard is both heart-rending and infuriating at the same time. Similarly, Emma Thompson, an actress known for warmth and charity, is a suitably fearsome presence as Brideshead’s undisputed ruler. Her misplaced guilt and repressed anger can be witnessed seething just below the actress' luminous skin. It’d be nice to see her tackle more hard-hearted women in the future. Michael Gambon, always a joy, plays all the right notes as Lord Marchmain, while Patrick Malahide, as Ryder Sr., is amusingly clueless. Major recognition must also be given to the captivating Atwell, whose plucky and fiery heroine is guaranteed to win the hearts of almost every single male audience member.

While I don’t think Brideshead Revisited is a great film (It’s a little bumpy in its latter half), I think that fans of Jane Austen adaptations and British romantic epics will find much to enjoy here. In this bustling summer of extravagance, it’s a pleasant reminder of our own freedoms, as well as the impulsive heartaches of true love. I enjoyed my stay at Brideshead, and recommend you make the trip.

3.5 out of 5

7 DAYS OF THE BAT - DAY 7: LOVE THAT JOKER!

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy", he says. Well then he must have had one hell of a rotten week. They call him the Clown Prince of Crime, decked in purple, with a chalk white death mask of a face, filthy green hair and a painted on smile of sadistic glee. He’s played arguably the largest role in my youthful inspirations, and has continued to fascinate, frighten and entertain me for over twenty years. He may be dressed as a circus comedy act, but no one’s laughing. This entry is dedicated to the individual who deserves the fair share of the credit for Batman’s continued success, the freak who stands high above all other villains in his genre and the demonic prankster who tops my list of favourite fictional characters. His name is the Joker and this is 7 Days Of The Bat – Day 7.

When I was pre-planning this whole countdown to Dark Knight thing, I knew I wanted it to be a weeklong celebration. I also figured that, as film criticism is my ultimate passion, it would consist of film retrospectives. But there were only five truly notable Bat-films. After toying with, and discarding, the idea of including the Adam West 1966 Batman flick, I began to think of decent substitutes. Mask Of The Phantasm was a surprisingly late addition, actually. In the end, though, I decided to make the final instalment, the culmination of my tireless work (These things take longer than you’d expect!) to be a love letter, of sorts, to the initial kernel of interest that drew me to the franchise to begin with.

When I was around 6 years old, my mom introduced me to Adam West’s classic campy Batman TV series. It was like crack for a hyper-imaginative child obsessed with the villains of Star Wars and He-Man. It pulled me in immediately with its endless stream of memorable bad-guys (I found the Dynamic Duo kinda dull). Out of the plethora of evil-doers, Burgess Meredith’s Penguin and Otto Preminger’s Mr. Freeze had a pretty big effect. Frank Gorshin’s The Riddler was even more appealing, with his hyperactive giggle and, to my odd young mind, awesome outfit. But even he couldn’t hold a candle to the genius of Cesar Romero’s (moustachioed) Joker. I remember feeling strangely crestfallen whenever I turned the show on and he wasn’t featured.

Watching Batman: The Movie was like a dream come true. Riddler and Joker together! And Joker was kicking all sorts of ass. I recall feeling unusually proud of the fact that Joker put up the best fight on the climactic penguin-submarine fist-fight. He sent Robin into the drink, for Pete’s sake! That’s hardcore.

Mr. Romero even inspired my first ever home movie where I, at the age of 7, wearing a home-made Joker mask, played the Clown Prince of Crime and battled the likes of Batman (My sister Janine) and Robin (One of the neighbour kids). I did some serious stunt-falls that day, and am still entertained watching myself, in love with the character I was portraying, prat-falling around like a mental patient and even getting clocked in the face by my over-enthusiastic little sister.

I even had a Joker sweatshirt. I can’t remember if it was my mom or Grandma that bought it for me, but if was black and was emblazoned with a picture of my hero, laughing maniacally (With “HA HA HA’s all over the place), and pointing a gun outwards. My fourth grade teacher, the far-more-evil Ms. Harrington (Picture the Crypt Keeper... Only scarier!) gave me hell for wearing it on Canadian Remembrance Day. She may have had a point about the inappropriateness in honouring our fallen veterans by wearing a shirt depicting a homicidal clown, but whatever! I was a just a dumb kid who couldn’t see past his own twisted hero worship.

1989 was an amazing year, as it thrust my purple-adorned idol into the spotlight. The commercials, the toys, the advertisements... My mom bought me an 8X12 glossy photo of Jack Nicholson as Joker, wearing sunglasses, in a beach-chair holding a can on Smilex. Later that year she would get an artist friend of hers to replicate the photo on the top of my 9th Birthday cake. Best cake ever! I still have that glossy photo, although it’s a tad dog-eared and worn now (My cousin maliciously scribbled on it with a black crayon. Thank God for her health that it came off!), on my mirror. I also had a Batman Choose Your Own Adventure-type book and would purposely skip ahead to make sure that I followed the paths that led to Joker being involved in the story.

I didn’t actually make it all the way through Batman (On video, not in theatres) on my first go-around. Being a fairly sensitive child, the sight of Joker gleefully blowing Jack Palance to shreds, stabbing that fat gangster with a pen and then frying another to a crispy skeleton was a bit much for me. Cesar Romero never did stuff like that! I’m gonna guess I made it about 50 mins. in and then chose to go upstairs and decorate the Christmas tree instead. It wasn’t until ’92 that I actually made it all the way through and was able to fully appreciate the brilliance that Jack Nicolson brought to the character. To this day, his take on the role is in the upper echelon of my favourite performances of all time. He made the Joker scary, which was something I didn’t realize was important until later in life.

The Animated Series continued the love affair, and Mark Hamill’s flawless voice-work thrilled me to no end. An episode featuring a Joker-created cloud of laughing gas making its way through Gotham was a major favourite. I also, as mentioned in my Mask Of The Phantasm review, was blown away by his role in that excellent feature. Joker’s insertion into a Batman story always raises the quality level by about half.

As the years rolled on, Batman became less of a creative force in my life. I never really read the comic-books. I was a Marvel guy. But the Joker would always loom large in my creative thoughts and writing. I wonder now if my love for the character was a major catalyst for my appreciation and fandom of the music of Marilyn Manson. The similarities are definitely striking: the garish wardrobe, clown-like make-up, emphasis on the blackest humour and catharsis through anarchy. Attending his concerts was likely the closest I would ever come to seeing Joker in the flesh (Although why would I want to?).

A few years ago, after a long vacation from comics, I began getting back into that world. I started by picking up a copy of Batman: Riddler & Two-Face Tales. My appetite was whetted! I began to hear the lure of the lunatic’s laughter, and picked up Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns, and then Greatest Joker Tales, then The Killing Joke and onwards. Those three masterpieces were all chillingly effective and only made me love the character even more. I was discovering another facet of him that I had, for some unknown reason, never bothered to explore in the past. Recently I’ve flown through Mr. J’s appearances in Jeph Loeb’s top-notch Long Halloween and Dark Victory, Grant Morrison’s Arkham Asylum and Ed Brubaker’s The Man Who Laughs. I also have a lot of love for Michael Green’s Lovers And Madmen which, in my mind, captured the relentless and frightening insanity of ol’ green hair almost as much as his first appearance waaaaaay back in 1940. When he sees Batman for the first time, the sinister smile of joy as he proclaims “He looks... Ridiculous!” Great, incisive stuff. Batman saving him from certain death, and then him tearfully declaring “You do care!” is a brilliant peak into Joker’s psychology. He needs Batman as much as Batman doesn’t need him.

Whether played as a flamboyantly gay psychopath, or as a vicious genius, I truly believe that what makes him so hypnotic is the unspoken fact that he is the only person who truly terrifies Batman. That moment, in Killing Joke, where Batman pleads with Joker, begging him to let him help him to rehabilitate himself, you can feel the fear within the Dark Knight. This is a man who he cannot predict, can’t control and will always have his moral code questioned when dealing with him. I think that he is destined to one day kill the Joker, and when he does, the Clown will have the last laugh, as he will have finally broken his only equal. For this reason, any Batman tale featuring the Joker becomes a deeper study into the main character, and gives the work richer nuances and themes than other non-Joker efforts.

This year looks to continue my life-long addiction, with Heath Ledger’s (apparently definitive) take on the character in The Dark Knight. I’ll be there opening night, clad in my Joker baseball hat and t-shirt, waiting to be transported into the sickest of minds, and finding excitement in the sheer madness of it all. I’ll cover my feelings towards this performance in my upcoming review, but on the basis of what I’ve seen I’m thrilled.

It’s impossible for me to recall a time when the Joker didn’t have a mysterious influence over my life. He's charismatic and exciting but also scary. He's embodies the worst mankind has to offer, and he finds it... hilarious. Many of us find ourselves compelled by artistic works, be they classic novels, paintings, music or films. I, like many, just had the fortune, and personal tastes, to reach into the pile and pull out the Joker card.

And I know he’s laughing about it still...

7 DAYS OF THE BAT - DAY 6: BATMAN BEGINS (2005)

“It's not who I am underneath, but what I *do* that defines me”, he gruffly barks. And how true is that? For two previous films, he has been a subject of ridicule and blasphemy. A big public joke, playing grab-ass with Robin in a series of increasingly homo-erotic horror shows. Yet, he’s here, back in black, and being handled with the sort of respect and mystery that he deserves. That quote is very true when you think about it. No matter which actor is under the cowl, it’s his action and behaviour that characterize him. So long live the Dark Knight, winged scourge of the underworld, and prominent figure in the cinematic dreams of millions. His name is Batman, his re-emergence as a vital pop-culture icon occurs in Chris Nolan’s majestic film, Batman Begins, and this is 7 Days Of The Bat – Day 6.

Remember what an unexpected delight it was to return to the murky streets of Gotham back in 2005? I went into Batman Begins with zero expectations, prepared for emotional abuse and visual battering, praying for something to restore the faith. And I got it, in Bat-Spades (OMG, LOL)! Not only was it a complete reinvention of what a Bat-film should be, it was as perfect a Batman film as there ever was. It packed the seriousness of the Animated Series, the atmosphere of the Burton flicks and none of the nipples of a Joel Schumacher trainwreck!

Batman Begins is a startling work of superhero adaptation that has only grown stronger with subsequent viewings. Christopher Nolan, the genius behind Memento and Insomnia, was the ideal man for the job, and buried Batman in a gritty world of moral ambiguity and madness. And fear. The reason why Batman Begins works so well is that it emphasizes the mythic nature of the character, while providing an absorbing and plausible character study of the man underneath the big ears. Tim Burton got it half right. Nolan pointed for the horizon and swung away.

But it might all be for nought if Christian Bale had never come into the fold. Has there ever been a better casting job for a comic book hero? Robert Downey Jr., Tobey Maguire and Ron Perlman are definitely aces, but none have the level of gravitas and intense dedication of Bale. His Bruce Wayne is the trickiest of characters, a likable and identifiable man who is quite mad and dangerously delusional. Make no mistake about it, Batman is a necessary evil for Gotham, but the man underneath is treacherously unstable. And Bale not only understood this, but ran with it, making Bruce Wayne, the man, every bit as fascinating and entertaining as the Batman.

The emphasis on Bruce’s journey was a key decision in the franchise; as it toned down what many felt was the chief distraction of the series: the colourful villains. Nolan realized that the greatest foes work in small doses, leaving the audience wanting more. For this reason, I find Cillian Murphy’s Scarecrow to be one of the most entertaining trouble-makers in the Batman cinematic canon. The wonderful sleaze and ruthlessness in Murphy’s portrayal, and when Dr. Crane finally does go cuckoo and becomes the Scarecrow we all know and love, makes him an A-class adversary. His lack of screen-time had me, and many others, desiring more. That’s proof of his success.

Liam Neeson’s Ra’s Al Ghul is more intriguing, as he is the most human of Batman’s on-screen rogue’s gallery. There’s nary a dash of eyeliner or prosthetics on him, and as fiercely (and physically) portrayed by the Irish actor, he’s also the most noble and “grey”. Ra’s makes a lot of sense, and is, in many ways, no less loony than Bruce Wayne. Is his fatalistic plan all that more brutal than the onslaught of evil that will result from Batman’s vigilante quest? His final battle with Batman, the most physically brutal fight in any Bat-film, is dirty, painful and punishing. And when Ra’s fate hits him like an out-of-control mack truck, it’s a strangely cathartic moment of on-screen violence. He was a noble and dangerously intelligent man. If only he had been able to shift his ideologies a hair to the left.

Another important shift from the previous Bat-flicks, was Nolan’s emphasis on a great supporting cast of compelling characters. Michael Caine’s Alfred? Leagues ahead of Michael Gough’s one-note caricature. Gary Oldman’s Jim Gordon? A series casting high-point. Who’d have thought that a professional nut-job like Oldman would be the perfect candidate to bring the working-class dignity of the future Commissioner to the big screen? He’s brilliant, and sets the high mark for future entries in the, no doubt, endless franchise. Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox? An absolute ball, playing to Freeman’s strengths as a mentor and warm personality. Freeman has rarely been as mischievous and fun. Even Katie Holmes, who I feel was unfairly criticized, imbued her Rachel Dawes love interest with a level of emotional truth never before seen in the series. She felt like a real person, as opposed to a stage-prop. Plus Tom Wilkinson, as mobster Carmine Falcone, chews the scenery with relish, yet makes his villain mesmerizing whenever he’s on-screen.

As an origin tale, Batman Begins is among the best. The shooting of Bruce’s parents, the discovery of the Batcave, the meeting with Carmine Falcone? Each moment captured and portrayed the required shades of pathos and authority. We understand the trip, not just the destination. The moment when Bruce, fighting back apprehension, slowly rises to his feet, enveloped in a swarm of frightened bats, causes a chill flashes up by spine upon each viewing. It’s a perfect mixture of visuals, sound design and haunting score (by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard). I dare say it’s my favourite single moment in the whole damn thing.

There has been rampant online whining about the shift that the plot undergoes in the third act. Myself, I’ve never had any sort of trouble with it. It’s perfectly fitting that Bruce, who has thus far recklessly raced the Tumbler around downtown Gotham, and viciously taken down mobsters (Especially in the glorious dock-side smuggling scene), would go into action mode when necessary. After the half-way point, when Batman comes to fruition, all bets are off and things are going to get ugly. He's young, clumsy and careless - Not graceful and precise like he will be later. As well, Ra’s Al Ghul’s master plan (Which is hinted at, not hammered upon, throughout the film. Nice touch.) is cruel, messy and determined. And I appreciate that Nolan doesn’t shy from highlighting the human cost that occurs from it. A lot of people are killed, and Gotham can only hope to clean up the mess. It’s a daring move to leave these threads hanging, and I’m glad Nolan had the conviction to do so.

As we stare down the gun towards the impending Dark Knight (Which I’ll be seeing in roughly 12 hours), we can only guess how this set-up of Nolan’s Bat-universe will pay off in the future. But as it stands, Batman Begins is a master-stroke of a film: Dramatically gripping, darkly funny, wonderfully acted and viscerally rousing. It’s my favourite Bat-film, and the one that is the closest approximation of Bob Kane’s original universe. Now let’s see what happens next!

Bat-Faves:
Best Batman Dispatch:
Batman leaving Ra’s Al Ghul to ride the crazy train straight to hell.
Technicality!: Rachel Dawes’ taser takedown of Scarecrow. Funny and awesome!

Best Villain Dispatch:
-Gotta love how Ra’s (posing as Henri Ducard) hands Bruce’s ass to him when he arrives at the mountain top sanctuary.

Best Batman/Bruce Wayne Lines:
“Swear to me!”
“It's not who I am underneath, but what I *do* that defines me.”
“You’re not the devil. You’re practice.”
“I won’t kill you, but I don’t have to save you.”

Best Villain Lines:
“Now, I wouldn't have a second's hesitation of blowing your head off right here and right now in front of 'em. Now, that's power you can't buy! That's the power of fear.” – Carmine Falconi
“Dr. Crane isn't here right now, but if you'd like to make an appointment...” – Dr. Crane
“Would you like to see my mask?” – Dr. Crane
“Gentlemen, time to spread the word. And the word is panic.” – Ra’s Al Ghul

Best Iconic Bat-shot:
Batman crouched on the subway railing, with the taser charge stuck in his armor.

In-Jokes:
-When the prisoners are all released from Arkham, briefly visible is Mr. Zsaz, a serial killer from the comics with tally marks scarred into his skin, representing each of his victims. Mr. Zsaz also appears in the courtroom in the beginning of the film where he is being transferred to Arkham.
-A pair of Batman pajama bottoms can be seen hanging from the line in the scene where Batman talks to the little boy in the Narrows.
-The three notes Bruce, and then later Alfred, play on the piano to open the entrance to the Batcave are the same three notes that begin Black Sabbath's "Black Sabbath"; 1970. These are known in music theory, ominously, as "The Devil's Intonation".
-The calling card that Gordon shows Batman is a replica of the Joker Card from the 1989 graphic novel "Arkham Asylum".

Worst Moment:
Ummm... Errr... That is has to end???



Success As A Batman Film:
5 out of 5

Success As A Film:
5 out of 5